he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
