We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
