That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
