I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
