do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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