Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
