She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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