i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
