No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize