had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
