If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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