I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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