Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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