Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
