i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Randomize
