I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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