and you said cock pushups were impossible
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
