Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
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