On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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