Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
