He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
