dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
