He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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