After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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