The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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