At least make sure they are 18
Why
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
