I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
