No stitches, just platelets and will power
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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