I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
should my penis look like a turkey
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
