My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
