happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
