Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Found your dick twin last night
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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