P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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