Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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