dude i'm inner monologue high
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
