So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
