I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
