im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
false alarm, still single
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
