remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
