We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Randomize
