I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
