College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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