two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
