my mouth tastes like poor choices
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
