I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
