THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize