so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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