if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
