i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
