Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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