Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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