My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
