Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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