How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
