I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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