What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I look better un-naked...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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