So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
