Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize