Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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