Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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