I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
