you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
