I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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