i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
