....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
