My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
