She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
