So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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