The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize