grandma shit on top of the toilet
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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