im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize