Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Are we still banned from the library?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
