Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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