She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
