Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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