If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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