I can't watch pbs sober anymore
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
